trying to stay positive is a hard task

No sooner than I had clicked "publish" on yesterday's post, which was titled "things are looking brighter," than the cardiology coordinator called with some news.  Yes, you heard me right..more changes!!  Kris and I are so over it right now that we really don't even feel like talking about it.  There is not one thing that we can do about it except to now write on my calendar in pencil!  When I tell you the reason, you may understand a little better, because it sure put it into perspective for us.  There were two babies born this week that are in desperate need of a heart surgery and get this, they didn't know about the conditions until birth!!  Now, can you imagine having your baby and then being told that in less than a week that tiny baby will have open heart surgery?!?  That is A LOT to process, believe me I know, and we have had since June 2012 to process all that information.  I am not saying that it will make it any easier or harder, what I am saying is that that is someone's baby and will be hard no matter what!!  So, instead of stomping my feet like Madeline (but, boy do I want to!) or talking about it to death, please join me in praying for these babies and their families.  Because unlike Chandler, they cannot wait and surgery is a MUST to survive.  We really are blessed, because when looking at all the other sick babies out there, it could be so much worse!!  It could be better but could be so much worse! 

With that being said, our "new" date is now scheduled for Friday, February 15, 2013.  Again, this is tentative if something unforeseen happens to come up.  I know it's seems unfair to Chandler because she is important too, but we have to trust in the Lord because it is all up to Him.  We can sit here and say all the reasons why it happened..she will be bigger, have more time to get well, but in the end, it is ultimately His plan.  Please continue to pray for us, because as it's pushed back more and more, it starts to affect our jobs.  Of course our kids come first, but spring is a very busy time for Kris since grass starts growing and people want their yards looking nice and is also a busy time for me in the school district and getting paperwork and meetings done to start the next school year.  It will all get done, and we will cross those bridges when we get there, and I am TRYING to take it day-by-day, but it is hard!

busy girls

she scooted and rolled over to this position and feel asleep...tired baby!

Enough about all that surgery stuff....Chandler is loving being on her side now and if she could get her arm out of the way, she would finally roll on over!  She is a real wiggle worm and even though she isn't rolling over yet, you have to watch that girl because she can move around!  As I have mentioned before, we are in for it when little sister gets a little stronger..we won't be able to keep up with her!!  Big sissy is all about pretend play.."I da mama, you da baby" and it's very cute to see Kris be the "baby!"  We love listening to her talk, because she is always coming up with funny stuff that we have no idea where it comes from.  One of the latest funnies was when she was with her Shimmy not too long ago...she told her, "My have a tar(car).  It's at my home and it's pink.  I could drive it today cause it's sunny time!"  She is a mess and will turn a bad day completely into a good day..she is a love bug and stubborn almost three-year-old all wrapped up into one!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and is continuing to pray for us!  This surgery will be done eventually, and we will have moved on to something else to bellyache about!  haha

until next time,
Megan

things are looking brighter

Okay, so Chandler really is a rock star!!!  She is on the mend and the surgery is still a-go for Tuesday.  I took her back for her re-check yesterday and he said that she sounds MUCH better and that hopefully by Monday, she will be all better!  Dr. Parnell will see us when we go up for blood work and make sure that she will be surgery ready. 

Madeline is still accident free yay!!!  But sassafras does not like her routine interrupted... for example:  Kris has been taking her to daycare and I have been picking her up.  This is not always the case but the way it has been this week.  So, he went to get her yesterday while we were at the doctor and she then had a MAJOR TANTRUM cause Mama wasn't picking her up.  Now, it did warm my heart and make me smile a little when Kris told me; however, she wanted no part of me when I got home.  Isn't that the way all kids are though?!?  They want the person who is not with them at that moment, especially when they aren't getting their way.  I have heard that the three's are much worse than the two's and I am beginning to believe it..bring it on sister, I will win this battle!!  haha, yeah right...

Other than that, looking forward to the weekend and loving this beautiful early springtime weather..

a little tummy time and thumb sucking at the doctor's office

Daddy does an awesome swaddle

"crusin" with Daddy

our fur baby Marley

until next time,
Megan

this too shall pass...

Okay, so remember that I have been saying "this too shall pass" blah blah blah...I am quite sick of saying that now!!!  Be prepared that this will probably be a vent post..so you were warned! 

It all started Saturday when Madeline preceded to have accident after accident, stating "Mama, I had a accident!"  Really?!?  You are kidding me!  I really got kinda worried about her because there has been a lot going on at her house and thought she might be upset for me, Chandler and her Daddy.  But come to find out a lot of kids regress a little after they are potty trained, but I hope for her sake and mine that she doesn't regress again!!  Fingers crossed..there hasn't been any accidents since Saturday afternoon.  In the meantime, Chandler starts coughing.  Which isn't really unusual because, bless her heart, she has been congested since she was born.  This particular cough was different though, my Mama gut was telling me so!  It did in fact get worse Sunday night, so I started calling doctors ASAP on Monday morning.  The cardiologist's nurse suggested trying to get in to see our pediatrician that day, and she would call me back with Dr. Parnell's recommendations.  Um, you are telling me to get into the Children's Clinic TODAY?!?!  Much easier said than done...but I went on and called and left a message.  The nurse also said that it sounded like RSV...NOOOOOO!!!  Which is exactly what we have been trying to avoid and why we have had her quarantined to the house!  Anyway, the clinic never called me back, so after lunch I called again, only to get the answering service.  Here's the funny thing, I hung up and called right back and someone answered!!  And guess what she said?!  Dr. Charles had a cancellation for 1:30!!!  It was 1:00..so I flew to get her and away we went to the doctor.  The Good Lord was with me, that's for sure!  Of course, the nurse heard her breathing and said, "Sounds like RSV, let's get her swabbed in the lab."  This mama was almost a basket case already because I felt responsible for her being sick.  The RSV test came back negative..praise God!  And we went back to wait for the doctor.  He listened to her lungs and checked her ears.  She hasn't ran any fever, either.  She had lost a little weight, which put a knot in my stomach.  He then called the cardiologist and they talked for a while.  Together, they decided that she just has a cold and will treat with suctioning her nose and come back Wednesday for a re-check.  THAT WAS IT!!!  But I guess that is a good thing, she could be really sick and need to be hospitalized.  Then, the words that I had been dreading were then heard..."they can't operate if she is still sick."  I kinda lost it then, because we have worked so hard trying to keep her well and germs out of the house, that again, I felt responsible.  It is what it is and if she is sick and we have to postpone surgery again, then so be it.  But I won't lie and say that I wasn't and still not discouraged.  I am just ready for surgery to be behind us so we can enjoy our family and not have to take SO many precautions.  Aside from the four of us living in a bubble from now until then, I just don't know what else to do!! 

On a brighter note, I am looking forward to Kris being home with us the next four nights and for dinner with some friends tonight that is looooong overdo!!!  Please pray that our girl gets well enough to have surgery next Tuesday and for me, that I will keep it together as best as I can..

until next time,
Megan

bright eyed baby

fun on Tucker's tractor at his 3rd birthday party

happy baby who doesn't look sick!

fresh from the tub

sugery postponed

Weeeellll, we should be nervously biting our nails off right now, but we aren't... 

God must be using Chandler Smith to get my attention and I guess I am not listening! haha  I was VERY upset that the surgery was rescheduled, but I think my main problem is that I am a planner.  Which means I had my lists all written in the order that things were supposed to happen.  I had everything all packed up for Madeline down to the birthday present for a party on Saturday.  We had told her she was spending the night at Ms. Misa's and she was very excited.  When she woke up yesterday morning, I asked her who she wanted to take her to school, me or Daddy.  Well, she choose me, so I got all of her stuff in the car and away we went.  I was doing good until her song came on the radio and she said "frank it up, Mama!"  Needless to say I lost it and then preceded to walk her in to Lisa's where I sobbed like a baby telling her goodbye.  "Why you frying, Mama?"  Oh she is so sensitive and caring..  I finally tore myself away from her and drove to work.  You know that feeling like the air has been sucked out of the room and you have a hard time breathing?!?  That was exactly how I felt...now how on earth am I supposed to do this AGAIN in the morning with Chandler, was what I was thinking.  I get to work still teary eyed but decide that I am going to make it.  That is until 10:00, when I get the phone call that I had not been expecting!!  The cardiac coordinator said that there an emergency and that they were going to have to reschedule.  WHAT?!?!  Um, no I was preparing myself for in the morning..you have got to be kidding me?!?  There are no words to describe my emotions up to that point and to know that I am going to have to experience those feelings all over again is a feeling of pure dread!  Now, of course I feel for those poor parents that took our spot and feel so blessed that our girl could wait, but still I was aggravated to say the least!  I know that God is so good and He has a plan that I have no idea about; however, I am not going to lie and say that I was okay with the changes..  But after talking with my wonderful husband and having some time to digest the news, I am going to be fine..I guess I kinda have no choice though, huh?!?  As Kris pointed out, there are many different reasons why this happened...Chandler will now be a little bigger (she will be five months on the 12th!), it gives us time to get some unfinished business taken care of that we weren't able to get done (like clean our pigsty!) and that it just wasn't meant to happen on the 1st, period!! 

So all that being said, the new game plan is that we will go up after lunch on Monday the 11th to do blood work since the blood they took during pre-op will no longer be any good.  Kris, Chandler, and I will stay in Jackson that night and Madeline will finally get to spend the night with Ms. Misa and we will get up and have surgery on Tuesday, February 12th (here's hoping!!!!).  So, from now til then we will carry on about our lives and spend a little extra quality time with our two angels and thank God for choosing us to be their parents!!  Hopefully next week will not drag by, but if it does, that will be okay, too, because I know that eventually Chandler will have heart surgery and I will probably be wishing that I could go back to today and all I was fussing about was the postponement!  As my motto states, "this too shall pass" and yes, it will...

Oh and I am wearing my red shirt today in recognition of heart month, are you?!? :)

trusting in God,
Megan

sassafras

she likes her purse that "Mary Pain" (Mary McLean) gave her!

this is called sleeping hard at Grammy and Papa J's house

peek-a-boo I see you

stronger

 I have been listening to the Message channel on my Sirius radio.  Now, I also listen to the 90's and country channels, too, but have found myself listening to this channel a lot more and really listening to the words and how they pertain to me.  I heard this song not long after we found out about Chandler's conditions when I was pregnant and thought "this song is for me!"  Well, I heard it again the other day and thought the same thing!  How fitting are the words?!?  The Lord is trying to tell me something, I just know it!

The song is "Stronger" by Mandisa and if you get a minute, pull it up on u tube and see if you don't think that the lyrics are appropriate for me and Kris....

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

[Chorus]
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you Stronger

Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

[Chorus]

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

four month pic taken by the talented Amanda Smith

 

 http://www.reflectionsphotographybyAmandaSmith.com

trying desperately to be stronger,

Megan

loooong week

THIS. IS. THE. LONGEST. WEEK. EVERRRRRR!!!!!

Of course time has been flying right on by up until yesterday!!  And I will be working this week so that I wouldn't be at home staring at Chandler and the clock!  Now the nights are a different story..as I was washing dishes at 8:30 last night and Kris was taking the garbage out, I said to him, "I don't know how parents do it when they work until 5:00 or 5:30 or be a single parent."  And that is the truth..I have no idea how they do it, but I give them credit cause I know it's tough.  Just when I think it's craziness in our house, I think about those people and make it through.  Of course, I need to first learn how not to want to be supermom!  Haha good luck with that :)

Last night I slept with two of Chandler's blankets..I know it may sound silly, but someone had said that they slept with their child's blankie before surgery, so I thought I would too.  Anything to help make her feel more relaxed and "at home" I am willing to do.  (It also makes me feel a little better, too!)  I have started packing a few things and that makes it feel so real!  And how to pack for big sissy?!?  She will need a separate suitcase for all of her bows and shoes haha!  Which makes me very sad, by the way.  Along with worrying about Chandler being in pain after surgery, I have been worrying about Madeline and being away from her.  This is so hard for me, because I want to be there for both of my girls, and how do I decide what's right?!?  So as of now, I will be there with Chandler and hopefully grandparents will be able to bring Madeline to visit us.  It is going to be a rough week but "this too shall pass."  We are very excited to see how well Chandler will feel after surgery and that is what is getting us through all of this other stuff.  On a happier note, her little personality is really shining through and she is a ham!!  She gets so tickled that she doubles over and her eyes sparkle..it is really sweet!  She already admires her big sissy who is VERY protective of her!  Madeline makes sure we tend to her and don't forget her..if she thinks that we aren't being fast enough, she runs over to Chandler and says, "Shhhh, sissy's here, it's otay!!"  Chandler is doing MUCH better with her head control and is just about to roll over.  She is constantly kicking and moving, in fact, when we put her on the floor, she moves herself off of the pallet!!  We are certainly in for it when she has recovered!  We were spoiled with Madeline and her little calm and easy self..Miss Thang is going to give us a run for our money, we can already tell!!

the play mat is a car...so Madeline said "I driving Chandler to the doctor!"  poor thing that's the only place she gets to go, but not for long!!!

sisterly love

cooking in mama and shimmy's OLD kitchen..we won't say how old! ha

sleeping angel

Please continue to pray for us as FRIDAY gets closer...pray for the guidance and knowledge of the surgeons, pray for Chandler and that she won't be too anxious and won't experience too much pain, pray for me and Kris and that we won't be too anxious either and that the time will pass quickly and that we won't be worried about Madeline..those are the specific requests that I can think of now, but any and all prayers are greatly appreciated!!

Today is a very special day....it is Shimmy's 30th birthday!!  We wish her a wonderful day and love her very much!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIMMY!

ready for Friday to come and go,
Megan

pre-op appointment

Chandler weighs 11.8 now!! She had an EKG and chest X-ray done today and blood work. I only cried just a little cause miss thang did enough for both of us! She was mad at those nice ladies! But we all survived..whew! Then we talked with a cardiac nurse practitioner and met Dr. DiBardino who will perform the surgery along with Dr. Salazar. He was VERY informative and detailed. He said that there is a 10% chance that she will require another surgery in six months. The echo doesn't show any signs of another surgery; however, they really won't know until they get in there and look with their eyes. If they can't fully repair it, they will put a band around it then fix in six months. Either way..band or full repair, Chandler will feel better and will be able to feed without fatigue!!! What?!? We won't know what to do when she can eat "normally!!" He said to be prepared to be away from her at least five hours or more.. Of course Kris's response was "take your time!!" And I agree! He also said she will begin to heal while in the hospital, we just have to watch the incision and make sure it doesn't get infected. We then met the nurse coordinator and she answered any questions we had and took us to anesthesiology which is where we will start on surgery day. They told us we couldn't feed her formula after midnight before surgery but we can give her clear liquids such as pedialyte or nursery water until 4:00 a.m. I know Chandler will be glad of that!! I was beginning to wonder how we were going to pacify her!! So surgery is a go for next Friday the 1st..

After all was said and done, Kris and I left with a peace and agreed we are ready for this time next Friday!!!

Until next time,
Megan