cry a little

A good friend of mine had suggested that I have a really good cry and that would help relieve some of my stress. Well today was the day that I had that cry..you know the ugly, snot slinging cry?!? That's the cry I had today.. Not the "pretty" cry, if there is such a thing! Ha I keep asking the same questions, "How am I supposed to hand my baby over to strangers and trust that they will take care of her and bring her back to us?" "How is this going to affect Madeline?" "How am I going to get through this?" The only answer that I keep getting is God.. I know that He will get me/us through this but it won't be easy..

Chandler's surgery date has been changed to Friday, February 1st... NEXT FRIDAY!!! We go for our pre op appointment this Friday where we will see the nurse practitioner, anesthesiologist, have an echo and EKG done and blood work. They have already told us to be there at 6:00 a.m. on surgery day and for her not to have anything to eat after midnight.. Uh ok can you explain to our four month old that no Chandler even though you are starving, you can't eat!! Miss thang is not going to be happy; however, we will get through that, too!

A part of me is ready for it to be all over with so we can put our eyes on our special girl and another part of me wants to hide her away so they can't touch her. All the doctors have assured us that everything will be fine but it is still so hard.. I am going to TRY to put my big girl panties on but please keep praying for all of us as it gets closer and closer.. I am going to be honest and say that I am scared to death but being surrounded by our wonderful support system of family, friends and even strangers is an amazing feeling.. I am reminded on a daily basis just how blessed we are when someone sends a sweet text, sends a note or card, calls or just tells us they are thinking about us and praying for our Chandler.. These "little" things always put a smile on my face and bring tears..tears of joy and love.

waiting impatiently,
Megan